The Alright Movie

Ben: i watched rounders with rebecca not long ago
AM: that’s an alright movie
the oreo thing is silly
Ben: but it has to be obvious for the typical movie audience
AM: the typical movie audience is so typical
i need to poop, ben
talk to tyrone for a sec
Ben: hi tyrone

The Gay Ass

AM: can we have a brief scheduled time about the baseball season?
Ben: how’s the season going?
AM: the yankees and the pirates have the same record
which i guess is both good and bad
Ben: whats that record?
AM: .500
Ben: oh good
the pirates are battling history this year
AM: how bout those pirates and their kidnappings?
they’re making crazy demands!
Ben: those pirates are a whole different story
what kind of demands?
AM: they’re demanding millions of dollars
millions, ben
Ben: millions
AM: also, they want a pizza covered with gold
Ben: that sounds pretty good
AM: i mean
it sounds okay
Ben: i would eat it
AM: i wouldn’t
Ben: i’ll tell you what though
i am definitely looking forward to the movie
the “Capt. Richard Phillips Story” should be quite the treat
though it probably own’t be released until 2011-2012
AM: it should be filmed on the allegheny
during a night game
a sort of meta meditation on what Pirate really is
Ben: yea
a cross over story
it would really expand the audience
AM: baseball lovers and maritime historians
believe it or not, there’s a pretty big overlap there already
the venn diagram is hardly even a venn diagram
Ben: oh
AM: it’s more just like one circle on top of another circle
Ben: i’ve never seen one circle on top of another
hey
AM : hey what
Ben: the steelers were founded in 1933 as the pittsburgh pirates
guess who their first draft pick ever was
AM: who
who
who
Ben: one Bill Shakespeare
AM: that’s a gay ass name
Ben: you’re a gay ass
AM: my ass has known some pretty gay things in its day
it’s dabbled, i should say
Ben: double dabbled?
AM: oh god no
Ben: oh, okay
cause me either
AM: yeah, sheesh, i wouldn’t even know
Ben: tell me about it
so i guess that brings us full circle
right around to ass pirates
AM: always a pleasure working with you, pelhan

The Best Zinger

AM: how was the birthday roast?
are you caked in a nice golden crisp?
Ben: flaky on the edges
AM: sounds delicious
Ben: well, that’s one thing you can count on me for
deliciousness
AM: more like gayliciousness
zing
Ben: ouch
AM: but seriously, what was the best zinger?
Ben: there were many good ones
i like one of toms:
so i see you have a toothbrush upstairs…
is that for brushing your teeth after you give blowjobs to the people you have sex with for money?
AM: hahahaha
you do have sex with people for money
Ben: of course, it pays much better than teaching
AM: how much would you charge for a blowjob?
Ben: everything’s negotiable anne marie
things like that vary from client to client
AM: okay, the blowjob is for zach
Ben: hmmm
how much would you charge for that?
AM: uhhhhhh
i feel like the humiliation of that would outweigh whatever i could dream up of charging
Ben: yea, i have a policy against servicing anyone i know
i kind of specialize in women though
AM: tell me about it
i mean, don’t really tell me about it
Ben: yea
i gotcha

The Haircut Year

AM: hey, so how do you feel about The Bad Sad?
Ben: not too shabby
AM: that’s all?
Ben: you’ve done better
unless the bad sad is a creature of some sort
like, the bad sad decided it needed a haircut
AM: it’s not a creature
it’s a mood
Ben: but everyone needed a haircut that year
AM: it was a year of haircuts
we all got 5 haircut
etc
etc

The Gay Experience

AM: i’m on the phone with tom
i hear you guys had a nice gay experience today
Ben: i almost saw him naked if thats what you mean
AM: that’s what i mean
Ben: oh
yea, we had a nice gay experience today
AM: tom says WHAT
now he says YEAH, IT’S TRUE
he says it’s getting really gay over there & that you need elin back badly
Ben: i dunno
it could stand to get a little gayer first

The Weak Case

AM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GtyMeEcPPE
i think this song is pretty great
Ben: ill watch that video in one minute
AM: it’s not important at all
i bought a peacock feather today
Ben: was it a brilliant peacock feather?
AM: it’s certainly iridescent
Ben: where did you make this fine purchase?
AM: at a flower shop
a florist, if you will
Ben: interesting
that a peddler of flowers was also selling feathers
AM: well, they share a lot in common
Ben: like what
AM: both are attached to things, often beautiful things
both have 2, maybe 2 1/2 syllables
Ben: and they are more often sold without the things they are attached too
unless, people buy birds more often than they buy feathers
which may be possible
AM: i’m not into people buying birds
i don’t think people should keep birds as pets
it’s a controversial stance, i know
Ben: i disagree
AM: make your case
Ben: i think that it is much more important that birds not keep people as pets
AM: that’s a weak case
Ben: you’re a weak case
AM: well played, poophand

The Medical Season

Ben: tom and i have been watching the first season of SNL that i have on dvd and what do you think of this title/phrase “medical season?”
AM: i think it’s pretty solid
Ben: yea, so do i
actually, what interests me even more is the idea of a medical offseason
i bet free agency is crazy in the national medicine league
AM: yeah, i bet it’s not that crazy
i’ll tell you what, it’s pretty crazy in baseball, though
Ben: remember when a-rod was doing roids
AM: yeah that was pretty awesome
Ben: yeah

The Cool Something

AM: hey, here’s something cool:
wait for it
Ben: waiting
AM: i lost it
no i didn’t

http://dbrookshire.blogspot.com/2009/01/project-verse-needs-applicants.html

Ben: that is pretty cool
AM: yeah
we could enter collaboratively, even
Ben: we could?
it says the poet must work solo
AM: but we can be ben marie pelooney
or anne james roohan
that bio would be fun to write
Ben: your bio would be fun to write
AM: your mom is a bio
Ben: your mom’s bio is a face
AM: what
Ben: for serious
speaking of sluts, you should make a chess move
AM: speaking of chess moves, you should make a slut
Ben: way ahead of ya
i made a dozen sluts just this afternoon
they were cream filled and glazed
AM: wow, that’s disgusting

The Football Season

AM: HERE WE GO
Ben: steelers
AM: HERE WE GO
Ben: pittsburghs going to the superbowl
what are you doing?
AM: well
i just ate an omelette
Ben: oh snap
AM: yeah it was pretty fucking good
Ben: did you put avocado in it
AM: no
avocado?
really?
Ben: yea
AM: it’s football season ben
not avocado season
Ben: fuck yea it is!
fuck avocadoes
AM: i fuck those bitches daily

The Lightweight Category

AM: i think he’ll go a3
Ben: and then i go a4
AM: and he can’t go b7
Ben: yea he can
AM: oh god whatever
i’m sick of his dirty tricks
i root for you in all your chess games
Ben: i could have beat him for sure at dodge when i successfully got the four pawn wall going against him
i don’t think he had seen it
but i was a little tipsy and let him slip in a side door
AM: that’s what she said
Ben: hey oh!
i should have said back door
my bad
AM: it’s okay, we’re out of practice
as a tag team at least
i set myself up a lot
pretty successfully
but, you know
Ben: yea
that’s what she said
AM: she really did
so hard and whatnot
Ben: god, she loves it hard and whatnot
AM: she’s quite a woman
Ben: yea she is
AM: yea she is
Ben: guess what
AM: WHAT
Ben: i’ll tell you
the soldiers in iraq will get two beers each for the superbowl
i just thought that that was important
AM: i don’t quite know what to think of that
two is great in a way
but also really horrible in another way
Ben: yea
on the bright side, they are probably a little bit more in the “lightweight” category than usual, because they aren’t allowed to drink at all normally
shit man
AM: oh word
and how much could a single bud lite or whatever fetch on the army black market?
Ben: exactly
someone is gonna be like, “i don’t want any”
or “im an alcoholic”
AM: what a loser am i right?
Ben: you’re a loser?
AM: there should’ve been a comma in there somewhere
Ben: that’s what the soldier says?
AM: ben you’re making me mad
Ben: that’s definitely what she said